Sometimes it is hard to get that perfect present for the one you love, and our commercial society has millions of supposed buying opportunties from anniversaries, special dates, Valentines Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, New Years Day, Easter and on and on. So here are some awesome award winning gifts for others – or for yourself:
The eight wheeler car! Tell me you would not have a permanent smile drivng this one around the neighborhood and parking at work. Forget Octomom, you’d have Octobahn!
That’s right, A Heaven Welcome Basket. Sorry to my friends who think it is stupid to believe in a Creator or old man in the sky. You will not only miss out on this entry gift (with a lightsaber!) but will also miss out on – ETERNAL LIFE – the all time favorite on wish lists every where. Not too late for you. There is this really cool guide book out there called the Bible.
Everyone has cats and dogs. You can get a Rottweiler or Pit Bull for protection sure, but how about a Snapping Turtle Tank? Talk about being master of the neighborhood block watch. Sure a few fingers might be lost until those snot nosed kids learn not to try to pet it or offer it lettuce, but that is just its way of bringing about order. The best part is that the twin barrels not only fire grenades (smoke, incendiary and anti-personnel, but can also be used as flamethrowers. The napalm is loaded under the shell for extra protection.
There can be only one – fluffy omelot and flame broiled steak. Sure, a sword looks better, but after hacking and slashing all day, you belly will appreciate the Magical Skillet +5, double damage versus monsters with special diets.
Forget the Ferrari. Nothing says I own this place, this club, this whole freakin’ planet like pulling up in your own Imperial Star Destroyer. Some may point out the nice blue Super Star Destroyers, but the Emperor and Darth Vader like to cruise in them, and I want to give them their profs.
They should update Christmas Story from a Red Ryder BB-Gun to a Rocket Pack. Have Mom say, “I don’t know, I heard those were dangerous. I wouldn’t want you to accidentally fly to Australia…”
NO Photo Radar! I prefer being pulled over by a real police inspector.
All the fiber you need in your diet just once. Although I would not recommend the escalator. Looks like a job for the elevator.
My favorite, I will simply refer to as the argument stopper. “I said No! Mr. Taliban Reprensentative. I said NO! Iran, North Korea…etc. Plus I am pretty sure you show up in that and most villagers will try to guess what you want and just throw valuables to you.
My List of fun gifts to keep in mind for my Hump Day – Wednesday. I would gladly accept any of them lol.
Michael Bradley - Time Traveler 