At each point in my life my perspective has changed a bit but the one question remains forever – am I more? What is the point to existence, if any?
When I studied mathematics and science the underlying belief is that everything works according to laws which can be theorized, proven and recreated. If a proof does not yet exist, it is simply a flaw in our understanding, but everything is predictable if we know all the laws. In electronics, I learned impetus (voltage) and flow (amperage). A short would increase flow dramatically, an open would stop flow. Resisters slowed flow, capacitors stored flow, potentiometers adjusted flow, transducers change impetus, etc. It explained things.
When I learned computer science, everything was input – processing – output – feedback loop. It explained everything. I began to see life in the same way. When I did my post-graduate degree in finance and economics, it was the “Invisible Hand” of Adam Smith that explained all. People maximize their “utils”. If someone is charitable, it is not to help others, but because they get utils from helping. If they really like cars, they spend cash on them to maximize their utils. Everyone using cash as a means of barter to maximize their utils. It all made sense.
In sociology and psychology, I learned nature vs. nurture. You have genetic dispositions, inherited traits and animalistic instincts. To that mix, you add nurture, your environment, your exposure to things impact you. It explained it all. When I was at the Capitol, it was all about 31, 16 and 1. The number of votes needed to pass something through the House, Senate and the Governor. It made sense to ignore the rest.
However, if it REALLY explains it all, then we are nothing more than a pre-determined system of actions. We really have no control over ourselves or our actions and everything is simply a complex formula too difficult for us to see, but there nonetheless. It makes life a meaningless process with inputs and outputs, a re-run so to speak that plays out with no change in the script possible. To me, this explanation is somewhat terrifying.
At a young age I was exposed to another explanation – Christianity. That we are not just animals, but we were created with an eternal soul, that this life serves as a testing bed. We have free will and must choose service to God, or service to evil. This also explains everything. I choose to go with this explanation, because I want to believe I am MORE.
How about you? Are you MORE?