Some PUN -ishment! Bad jokes to get you through Hump Day!

Surprisingly, these are not my jokes.  They are so much like my jokes, some will find that hard to believe.  However, in the ongoing debate of nature versus nurture, these are actually puns that my son just sent me.  He knows my warped sense of humor and given my anxiety over my upcoming surgery, sent this to cheer me and the rest of our family up.  The apple does not fall  far from the tree so to speak.  So, enjoy the moans and groans that only puns can provide properly:

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.    It’s syncing now.
When chemists die,  they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid.    He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.    Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never  met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.    I just can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns.    It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.
Why were the Indians here first?    They had reservations.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.  I hope there’s no pop quiz.
I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
Velcro? what a rip off!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.  Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner again?  Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.