Category Archives: Humor and Observations

The Greatest Mysteries of All Time – Butter and Cheese!

I grew up on a dairy and milked cows growing up.  Unfortunately, I was also allergic to milk.  Even now the smell, taste and even look of milk disgusts me.  I never have butter on my bread and I was sixteen before I had my first piece of cheese.  Despite that, the two greatest mysteries to me is where butter and cheese originated.  This might sound silly at first, but who came up with the idea to take cream, shake it or churn it for 20 to 30 minutes, and add salt?  The thing is, they did this 10,000 years ago, and the first written reference to butter is on a 4,500 year old sandstone tablet.  Hunter-gatherers unable to write were making butter.  Here are some more facts about butter from the Dairy Goodness site:

Butter’s origins go back about 10,000 years to the time when our ancestors first began domesticating animals. Today, butter in its many flavourful forms is the world’s most popular fat. As a versatile spread, a delicious enhancer for so many foods, and the essential ingredient for baking, butter’s simple goodness has no equal…

  • The first reference to butter in our written history was found on a 4,500-year-old limestone tablet illustrating how butter was made.
  • It is generally believed the word butter originates from the bou-tyron, Greek for “cow cheese”, however it may have come from the language of cattle-herding Scythians.
  • Butter was used as food by ancient tribes of Asiatic India, as well as for burning in primitive lamps and smeared on skin to protect from the cold.
  • In early times, unlike today, butter was so costly it was used in religious ceremonies. It still is today in India and Tibet.
  • In ancient Rome, butter was valued cosmetically. Not only was it used as a cream to make skin smooth, but Greeks and Romans massaged it into their hair to make it shine.
  • Much esteemed for its perceived healing properties, butter was also used in poultices to fight skin infections and burns. The ancient Egyptians even valued it as a cure for eye problems.
  • During the T’ang Dynasty in China, clarified butter represented the ultimate development of the Buddha spirit.
  • The ancient Irish, Scots, Norsemen and Finns loved and valued butter so much they were buried with barrels of it.
  • Christian missionaries travelling in central Siberia in 1253 mentioned a traditional fermented drink, kumyss, which was served with generous lumps of butter floating in it.
  • In Northern Europe, in centuries past, butter was credited with helping to prevent kidney and bladder stones as well as eye maladies. (This was probably thanks to butter’s vitamin A content.)
  • Sailors in Elizabethan times were guaranteed 1/4 lb of butter a day in their rations, and it was an old English custom to present newlyweds with a pot of this creamy delight as a wish for fertility and prosperity.

Now for cheese, which is even harder to understand.  To make cheese, you take milk and add rennet.  For those that don’t know what rennet is, it is a stomach enzyme in mammals, usually taken from cows.  So, once again, who said for the first time, “Let’s take a bunch of milk and put it a big container.  Then, let’s take stomach juices from the inside of a cow and stick that in there.  When it starts to clump up, let’s take the clumps and press them together.  Then let those clumps sit there until they mold.  Then let’s eat it!”  I just don’t understand how that happened.  Again, cheese predates recorded history.  No one knows who made it first, but it started getting made all over the place.  Here is a brief origin from Wikipedia:

Cheese is an ancient food whose origins predate recorded history. There is no conclusive evidence indicating where cheesemaking originated, either in Europe, Central Asia or the Middle East, but the practice had spread within Europe prior to Roman times and, according to Pliny the Elder, had become a sophisticated enterprise by the time the Roman Empire came into being.[3]

Proposed dates for the origin of cheesemaking range from around 8000 BCE (when sheep were first domesticated) to around 3000 BCE. The first cheese may have been made by people in the Middle East or by nomadic Turkic tribes in Central Asia. Since animal skins and inflated internal organs have, since ancient times, provided storage vessels for a range of foodstuffs, it is probable that the process of cheese making was discovered accidentally by storing milk in a container made from the stomach of an animal, resulting in the milk being turned to curd and whey by the rennet from the stomach. There is a legend with variations about the discovery of cheese by an Arab trader who used this method of storing milk.[4][5]

Cheesemaking may have begun independently of this by the pressing and salting of curdled milk to preserve it. Observation that the effect of making milk in an animal stomach gave more solid and better-textured curds, may have led to the deliberate addition of rennet.

The earliest archeological evidence of cheesemaking has been found in Egyptian tomb murals, dating to about 2000 BCE.[6] The earliest cheeses were likely to have been quite sour and salty, similar in texture to rustic cottage cheese or feta, a crumbly, flavorful Greek cheese.

Cheese produced in Europe, where climates are cooler than the Middle East, required less salt for preservation. With less salt and acidity, the cheese became a suitable environment for useful microbes and molds, giving aged cheeses their respective flavors.

So, now that you know more, I ask you – where did butter and cheese come from?  Other inventions are easy to trace, but butter and cheese seem to have always been with us.  Alcohol is also a long standing mystery.  That, I theorize was discovered when someone ate old grape juice or rotting grain and got buzzed.  Once someone gets a buzz, they figure out why, be it mushrooms, hemp, or licking a frog.  But butter and cheese?  The world may never know.  I personally believe it may be either divine inspiration and guidance, or alien visitation.

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Tres Amigos and Fantasy Football

Not to have too many dog posts, but I did manage to get all three to look up at the same time.  The pic of the Tres Amigos, who we also call the Hounds of Bradleyvilles, are shown on the couch, which they have claimed as their own.  It is good we humans are around to buy them furnishings of their own.  We put the blankets down so when guests come over of the two legged variety they don’t get covered in hair from sitting down.

Fantasy Football – My team, the Arizona Monsoon clinched its 20th winning season last week and won this week against its arch nemesis the Las Vegas Aces despite having been a pregame 44 point underdog.  One more win and I can clinch a playoff spot.  I know, pretty nerdy, but it’s a passion of mine.  This season has been rough, I lost Peyton Manning for the year, one day after the draft…sigh.  His trainer should have given me a heads up.  I also lost Cutler to a shattered thumb and Darren McFadden to a bad foot.  I had some good ones though.  I managed to draft Cam Newton way deep in the draft and I picked up Ron Gronkowski (The Gronk, who just set the all-time TD record for a Tight End in one season) undrafted a week or two into the season.  Cobbling together a team from throwaways and undrafted walk-ons is not easy, but we are 9-5 and tied for our Division lead right now against my daughter’s sadly named Fairyland Frogs team.  We have just one more game in our 15 game season before the playoffs.  Wish me luck.  I am up against my good friend and nemesis Earl Bray, of the New Canaan Nor’Easters.  His team sucks this year because he decided to golf on draft day and let the computer auto-pick.  A poor decision on his part, but he has been playing spoiler in recent weeks.

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December 7th, a Day that will Live in Infamy

During my service in the United States Air Force I was lucky enough to avoid being in the action.  I almost went to Lebanon, almost to Korea, almost to Grenada, almost to Panama, but never actually had to go to a shooting zone.  The closest was when I had my full green dufflebag – a 90lb field load,  on my back and was boarding the cargo plane when they called my unit back.  Among our unit, there was only one kid around 17 that looked forward to battle.  The rest of us were willing to go fight for our country, but preferred to stay home with our families on a stateside base.

I was stationed for most of my career at Hickam Air Force Base Hawaii.  I was in a hangar that was covered in pock marks from the machine gun fire of Japanese planes from December 7th.  If you see the movies and see a huge aircraft hanger explode, I worked in the one right next to that one.  All around me each day were reminders of that fateful day, when other airmen such as I were peacefully going about their duties when they were sneak attacked.

One day there was rain coming in to our ceiling.  The hangar had a modern drop ceiling with the ubiquitous white chalk squares.  Above that was another ceiling, the original one, forty feet higher and made of wire frame, clay and asbestos.  Above that was the inside of the roof, another thirty feet higher.  I was sent up rickety ladders to find the source of the leak.  What I aslo found was structural damage from the original attack.  Huge, multi-ton iron I-beams were dangling, waiting for the moment to fall through the weak plaster below and crush those working beneath.  I told my Commander and the whole place was evacuated and the beams secured.

In the process, the construction crews found old parachutes, manuals and other items stored in the attic of the hangar dating to pre-1941.  They are now on display at the museum on base.  My last impression was when my wife and I visited the Arizona Memorial, which we could see every day from our lanai, or patio of our apartment in Aiea.  It was sobering to see the names of the fallen and to look over the edge and see the sunken USS Arizona, which still entombs so many fallen sailors.  That day a tour of Japanese was there as well.  They were laughing and taking pictures.  I felt like beating some sense into them.  I would never laugh at the Hiroshima memorial, what was going through their minds?

That day still sticks with me for the outright disrespect for the fallen.  Please join with me and take a moment to remember all of those who have fallen to preserve our freedoms and for those who are still alive but would have answered the call had it rang out.

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The Double Whammie!

Just had the double whammie – my wedding anniversary and my wife’s birthday, both just three days apart.  It was our 27th Wedding Anniversary and she is now – well she is forever young.  I started calling it the double whammie early in our marriage because despite being so close together, two distinct gifts are always needed for the spouse.  My wife got mad at me a few years back when I was referring to it as “her wedding anniversary” instead of “our wedding anniversary.”  My response was that if it was “our wedding anniversary,” why was she the only one that got a gift?  This year we did the couples’ massage together, so it was a joint gift.  For her birthday, we went to dinner with our close friends at the White Chocolate Grill and saw the movie, “In Time.”  She also got a new fluffy robe since the temperature has finally dropped here in Phoenix.

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The Mystique of Silence

When I was in the Air Force I was stationed at Hickam AFB in Hawaii for most of my career.  I was an Avionics Guidance Controls and Systems Specialist level 9.  That meant I worked on all the cool electronics on the aircraft.  I was trained on every aircraft in the Air Force inventory, one of three people at the time, so they put me in Hawaii because so many different planes go through there.  All of that is in my service record, and I freely tell it to people.  Occasionally, people want more.  Last week I had to tell a person that I couldn’t really say any more.  They continued to press, so I made it clear that I REALLY could not say anymore because what I did was top secret.  There were many missions and things I worked on that I swore upon pain of imprisonment never to talk about.  I imagine some 50 years from now they will be declassified, but for now that still holds.

Many military people face the same situation, but the funny thing for me was the reaction of the people who heard me.  When I was younger, people would smirk and laugh like I was trying to sound important.  Now, people conjure up that I was a spy or sniper or some such thing.  The reaction and the sudden mystique threw me for a loop.  I thought about it for a long time before I realized that when you are secretive or silent about anything, people fill in the void with really interesting theories.  The reality is I was a glorified aircraft mechanic, which is pretty much the same job as an auto mechanic but with a bigger vehicle.  You hook up diagnostic computers, you replace parts, you test drive stuff.  Mainly you get cut on jagged metal, get bruised and doing a boring job.  Sure, people’s lives depend on you, but its no different than the guy that replaces the brake pads on your car, and when did you think they were glamorous?

I did work in an area with red lines on the ground.  If you crossed the red lines without your top secret clearance badge, you would be shot.  No kidding.  By saying that, people again are probably thinking it was some glamorous place.  It was an old hangar that still had bullet marks from the Pearl Harbor attack, coated with paint some 50 years thick.  Yes, we did things I can never talk about, but they were not worthy of any “knowing” looks or smiles.

The reaction did teach me something about writing though.  Let the reader fill in the silent blanks.  They will fill them with more wonder than you can.  It’s one reason the movie is never as good as the book.  The movie is limited by budget, time, acting ability, and ultimately reflects someone else filling in the blanks.  They rarely fill them in the way the reader did when they imagined it.  So, I will revel in the respect I receive for my boring military service simply because I can’t talk about it.

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Anti-biotics – Glad I live in a Time That Has Them

I have been plagued since childhood with bad ears.  Seems my eardrums don’t seal properly and I get terrible sinus/ear infections.  I am suffering through another occurrence right now, but with the help of modern anti-biotics I know I will be much better soon.  My first occurrence I remember is when I was about eight years old, traveling with my family and suddenly my fever shot up to 105 and I went into delirium.  Both my Eustachian tubes had collapsed.  Those are the passages that equalize pressure from your throat to your middle ear.  It was like in the movies where you have the sweaty sick person babbling incoherently.  After a bottle of Ampicillin it was like nothing had happened.  Six broken ear drums and two ear surgeries later, I find myself still slurping up the penicillin derivatives.  It’s funny if you think about it.  Pre-1940 I would have died at age 8.

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Monday Night Football and Writing Ideas

Tonight’s NFL football match-up will decide whether or not I go to 5-4 or 6-3 in my fantasy football league.  I know fantasy football is not a widely accepted past-time but to adherents such as myself, it serves as a fun incentive to watch the games and track the stats.  All of the people in my league are friends and family which makes the bragging rights all the more important.  Rubbing it in to strangers does not bring the same satisfaction as watching your best friend or child lose to your imaginary team.  So, I will be cheering tonight for Jay Cutler, upon whose stats my own destiny depends.  I will also be working quite a bit tonight on Blood Bank, The Travelers’ Club and The Wild West (the second in that series) and a bit of finishing up on the Second Civil War.  Monday nights are always a good time in my writing cycle; though I am not sure why.

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